“She looks like that character in the Harry Potter movie… what was his name? Oh yeah, Smeagol!”
A little while ago, Venerable R. D. asked me:
A bit of curiosity as to what shedra classes “look like.” Do you memorize the texts, study them, them go to class for commentary and teachings? Make notes in the text? Or is it anything like in the West with students trying to write down most everything the teachers says in lecture?
Let me paint you a word picture… At eight-thirty in the morning, Monday to Friday, the bell rings and we go to class. Our teacher enters the classroom first (our classroom is really small) and prostrates to the throne before sitting down. Then we enter, prostrate to our teacher, and sit on cushions in front of him.
We start class by reciting a confession prayer and the Vajrasattva mantra, then a praise to Manjushri and his mantra. Then our teacher recites some prayers to the lineage gurus and asks us to listen with the motivation of bodhichitta.
During class we take notes, either directly on our texts (in pencil of course) or in notebooks. We don’t have any tables or desks, so note taking can be a bit tricky. Some students like to record their classes on cassettes or mp3 recorders and listen to them again later. We can also listen to recordings of the same subjects being taught by famous teachers such as Khenchen Pema Sherab and Khenchen Namdrol.
At the end of class we can ask questions and sometimes our teacher will also quiz us.
We conclude with dedication prayers and prayers for the swift rebirth of His Holiness Penor Rinpoche.
After class we have time to read and reread the text which was taught as well as relevant commentaries by other masters. At five in the afternoon we debate on the morning’s lesson as well as anything else we have covered so far. We keep studying in the evening, usually until 9:30 pm.
As for memorization, we can’t memorize the entire text, but we do memorize parts of it. We like to find quotes from the root text which epitomize the main points.
Ani TZ: “Ani-la, come debate with me over here!”
Ani DT: “I can’t, I am stuck here with chewing gum.”
Now that I am in my eight year of a nine year program pretty much everyone is asking me: “What are you going to do next?” and “Are you going to be a Khenmo?”
xkcd.com
Let me tackle the second question first. I did mention the qualifications to become a Khenpo or Khenmo in a previous post. And yes, I have been chosen to be a kyorpon, an assistant teacher. If I was a monk then I would feel confident that someday I could indeed become a Khenpo. So far, though, we don’t have any Khenmos (mo indicates the female form of the word).
I was discussing this with an Ani Lopon here at the nunnery, she very rightly pointed out that, “Even if we could take full ordination, if we do it out of the motivation to gain status, then it would not the discipline of renunciation, it would be the discipline of worldly interest.”
On a personal level I have many concerns about the Bhiksuni ordination and am still doing research in order to clarify my feelings. Vows are not to be taken lightly.
Sometimes people tell me, “Well, as a Westerner, you could go take full ordination in Korea or Taiwan.” That is true, I could do that. But I have no interest in leap-frogging the other nuns in my community.
The heads of our monastery have suggested they might bestow an alternative title to our senior nun scholars, since “khenmo” implies full ordination. I think that might be a very reasonable solution, at least for the time being. There are a few titles being considered, one of which is Khetsunma. (No not Jetsunma, Khetsunma.) The sense of the word is a woman who is both erudite and maintains pure discipline. Of course when introducing a new term, explanation is necessary. That’s okay with me. Saying, “Oh Khetsunma? That is the female version of a Khenpo,” would be preferable to: “Well we don’t have female Khenpos because we can’t take full ordination, which is because the lineage was lost, which was because because because…”
As for the question about my future, I do have ideas and even, dare I say it, plans. But right now I am just focusing on learning as much as I can. I suppose it is Tibetan culture rubbing off on me but I don’t want to get into specifics. So here are some vague suggestions about what I would like to do:
- Keep trying to be a better person
- Practice in retreat
- Study in university
- Translate
- Teach
Since I last updated I’ve been up to a few things…
After leaving sunny California, I spent five weeks with my family in Canada! It is always good to spend time with my mom and my little brother, but this time was especially pleasant. I did a few dharmic things – namely participating in the women’s interfaith panel during Islamic Awareness Week at the U of S, a few university classroom appearances, and a little weekend retreat. Big thanks go out to my mom and my friends J.L. and K.O. for helping with the retreat. Thanks also to all the people who showed up.
After saying ‘bye’ to my family, I spent 4 days in Montreal – catching up with friends, seeing the city, and checking out McGill. I must say – I could imagine myself living there in the future… not sure when though. It was a trip to meet so many scholars who I respect as well as a senior nun from Gampo Abbey who is now teaching in Montreal and Quebec City.
Then I went to Dharamsala, India for about two weeks. It was weird to be there again after a ten-year absence. The general landscape is the same, but there are so many more shops and stalls.
I connected with several Western nuns including Venerable K.W. who will become the first female geshe in just a few days. I was quite amazed by the nuns who study at the Dialectics Institute in Dharamsala – a twenty-year program. All I can say is, ‘Go for it ladies!’ (And, quietly, I’m glad my program is only nine years).
Now I am back at Namdroling. Classes start later this week. As for last year’s exams– I scored higher than I have in any of the previous years. Apparently I will be teaching as a kyorpon later this year. A kyorpon is a senior shedra student who reviews the morning classes with students in the first four years of shedra. I’ll let you know how that goes when the time comes. It is actually an honor to have the opportunity to teach in the shedra, but I am not sure how the students will feel about having a slow reading non-native speaker as their teacher. They’ll probably wish I were teaching them English.
In case you were wondering, my exams went alright. I won’t get my results until April – but I feel confident that I passed everything.
My last exam was on January 17th. After that I had barely two days before catching a flight to San Francisco. I’ve been staying with my very good friends in Oakland and attending a Dharma program at Orgyen Dorje Den in Alameda.
While in the Bay Area, I have had the opportunity to meet a number of people who I respect very much. Namely my very dear teacher Yangthang Rinpoche as well as Gyaltrul Rinpoche, Sangye Khandro and Lama Chonam. I was also able to reconnect with Sogan Rinpoche, who I hadn’t see for many years, and do a bit of translation for him.
I have to say, though, that the most inspiring thing for me to see was the dharma students and visitors at Orgyen Dorje Den work harmoniously together. I could see that everyone was trying their very best to keep things smooth and friendly. All too often we are overcome with anxiety when trying to organize dharma events, but in this case I could see that genuine positive motivation was going into being friendly with each other and not giving rise to annoyance.
It’s that time of year. I have 23 days to study for final exams. Today is the fourth day.
This is actually my favorite time of year, when I get to really appreciate what I’ve been taught. Unfortunately I just don’t have time to blog about it.
So thanks for following my blog, I’ll get back to posting once exams are over at the end of January. Until then, I wish you happy lives and good practice.
Now you might think, because I’m a nun, that I’d find solace in the Buddhist scriptures. I do of course find great inspiration in them, but there are also some secular sources of inspiration I’d like to mention here:
GivesMeHope — FML for Optimists: This is the first site I read to remind myself that there are moments of kindness and inspiration happening every day. This is part of the Spartz network which hosts other inspiring sites.
It Made My Day – Twitter length stories of ‘win’. This is part of the Cheezburger network which also hosts humorous sites such as FAIL blog.
the pursuit of happyness: A Tumblr site with a stream of cheerful and inspiring photos, quotes, and songs.
The great thing about all of these sites is that you can avoid the advertisements by subscribing to their RSS feeds and reading them in feed readers such as Google Reader.
What sites do you visit for inspiration and joy?
A certain tulku: “These momos have deceived us, they are filled with potatoes.”
I was creative as a child. In Canada, the education system nurtures creativity; in grade school we had art class, language arts, and music. In high school I took drama class, choir, creative writing, art and photography. I always had ideas for stories and pictures popping into my head. Then I graduated from high school and, without being nourished or nurtured, my creativity diminished. For the last ten years I’ve been studying, trying to absorb information and language, often by rote. My creative muscles atrophied from lack of use.
I’ve made attempts, from time to time, to create. I’ve bought art supplies, done a few drawings, and used my computer to edit photos. Last winter I tried watercolor for the first time. But these bursts of energy were all short lived.
This year, though, I feel I’ve gotten back a bit of my momentum. When I was in Nepal I wrote about fifty pages of a short story (Harry Potter fan fiction if you must know) and, as you can see, lately I’ve been making webcomics – which are a combination of line drawings and Photoshop magic.
It feels nothing short of amazing to have my creativity active again. I get ideas for cartoons while in class. When I lie in bed at night I think of what should happen next in my short story. My drawings are slowing getting better. I feel like taking more photos. When I do these things, my mind feels focused, relaxed, and engaged. Amazingly, I also have more energy in my other activities. So whatever is going on, I’m going to count it as a blessing. And I’m going to keep creating.
In the Tibetan Buddhist community, both East and West, we love the idea that our lamas are perfect. We are eager to place our trust in masters who exist only to help us progress spiritually. The texts themselves insist that we must regard the spiritual master as a buddha. I agree that this view, combined with faith, is the bridge by which the most profound teachings are transmitted. I don’t, however, believe that each person put in the position of being a teacher is perfect.
Here at Namdroling, as well as at many other monasteries, it is possible to study in shedra for nine years and graduate as a Lopon. It isn’t easy, but it is within the range of the intellect, and thus accessible to people who know Tibetan and have the time and interest.
There is certain wisdom to be gained through study, as well as contemplation and life experience. The actual, direct experience of wisdom, which all the sutras and tantras point towards, however, is an experience beyond intellect. My own study and experience tell me that the path to wisdom is long; progress is usually made slowly and deliberately. It never happens by accident.
It is, therefore, possible to become erudite without having pierced the depth of meditative experience. I know many, many people in this situation. When these men and women have special titles, such as Tulku, Khenpo, Lopon or Lama they often have great expectations placed upon them. People often see the title, and begin to impute qualities. Perhaps there nothing particularly wrong with this, as long as the lama acts in tune with the Dharma. The thing is, when one’s mind is not fully tamed, it is difficult to always act in tune with the Dharma. Thus, we have a group of erudite people, trying to act in tune with the Dharma, at least in public, or at the very least, in the presence of their students. This situation may progress for quite sometime, until the lama is observed doing something which shatters the students’ faith.
This is an issue which often concerns me. It is not possible for us to demand that all Dharma teachers be enlightened. We hope, of course, that our guides are advanced on the path, otherwise how would they know where to guide us? Nonetheless, I think we need to create the mental space to have respect and love for our teachers while still giving them room to be human.
Please share your thoughts!
India seems to think it is a good idea for long term tourists to scram every six months, for at least two months. So off I went to Nepal
I spent a day in Boudhanath.
Then I headed up to Pharphing, which Tibetan Buddhists know as Yanglesho. I stayed the Nyingma Palyul Retreat Center which has a great guest house. 
Namdroling’s own Khenchen Namdrol Rinpoche oversees the retreat center and has many wonderful projects on the go, please visit his website and have a look! In particular, there is an English translation of his own commentary to Words of My Perfect Teacher.
While in Yanglesho, I studied Yontan Dzod, the text which I was missing while being away from shedra. In the second month of my stay, I had a wonderful surprise:
Yangthang Rinpoche arrived in Yanglesho. I had no idea Rinpoche would be visiting the region, let alone staying there for several weeks. Needless to say, it brought me great joy to meet with Rinpoche and receive his blessings. There is a fascinating interview with Gyaltrul Rinpoche about Yangthang Rinpoche on the Snow Lion Publications website.
All in all, I had a good time in Nepal. I spent a bit too much time worrying about whether or not I’d be able to write my exams, but luckily the very fine examples of Khenchen Namdrol and Yangthang Rinpoche inspired me to take a broader view.
So, like many before me, I’ve moved over to wordpress.com.
I’d like to know what you think of the design and what else you’d like to see here. Clearly I still have some work to do on it, since I haven’t posted a blogroll yet, among other things.
For those of you who subscribe, there are rss links at the bottom of the page, or you can subscribe by e-mail.
Thanks, for sticking with me. I’d promise to post more often, but…. well… you know.
Students in their seventh year of shedra have a special task during the ‘rainy season retreat’. They must explain a passage of Mipham’s spyi don ‘od gsal snying po (available in English as Luminous Essence) and then answer questions. The student does not get to pick what she will explain. The student’s name is drawn. She takes her seat in front of the teachers, with her back to her fellow students. A page number is drawn – usually from the first half the text. She begins her explanation. Questions follow. Then the student is released. The whole ordeal lasts ten minutes. These ten minutes are the source of a considerable amount of stress for seventh year students. I was not immune to this and spent as much time as I could reviewing the text. Leading up to the beginning of the ‘rainy season retreat’ I had been worrying about my visa situation and this oral exam was just one more thing making me anxious. About a week before the exam I decided the easiest solution was to leave India for two months then return. Just making this decision helped a lot in lightening up the crazy stress which had been plaguing me. It gave me a few days to cram on ‘od gsal snying po and to pack my bags. The exam itself went alright. The first person, Ani D.C., was very quiet and very nervous, despite her prodigious knowledge. Then it was my turn. I had to explain a passage about Ati Yoga (the highest level of Buddhist tantra). Unfortunately I hadn’t reviewed this section very well although I’d read about the topic elsewhere. So I explained the first few lines, then second guessed myself, and said, “A le ngas nor yin sa red.” Oh I think I’ve made a mistake! Everyone laughed. I continued with my explanation nonetheless. It turned out later I was not mistaken but my outburst revealed my lack of familiarity with the text. I was really nervous, but I tried to speak clearly, draw a few connections and make some examples. I had been hoping to reference Longchenpa’s description of ‘knots in the sky untying themselves’ so I threw it in. When it came time to answer questions I had to describe the difference between khregs chod and thod rgal (two types of ati yoga meditation). I did alright on that one. The second questions was whether or not there is a difference between the views of Ati Yoga and of Prasangika Madyamika (the highest level of non-tantric Buddhist philosophy). I had something to say about this but didn’t really have enough time to communicate my thoughts. The head teacher said, “That’s enough.” So I went back to my seat in the audience and grabbed a text book so I could see whether I had made a mistake or not. It was a good experience. I’m glad so glad it is over! Now I’m in Nepal. More on that later.
Teacher: Repeat after me: May all sentient beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering.
Students: May all sentient beings be free from suffering and the classes of suffering.
Teacher: You want to be free from the classes of suffering? Fine, you may leave.
Since my last post, back in April, I’ve been attending class and going to debate– just like every other year. Now that we are studying tantra, though, it is like being in first year again. There is a lot of new terminology to learn, not to mention an extremely profound view of the universe. Unlike first year, however, at least we can all understand the text. In our first year many of us had to struggle to cope with the classical Tibetan. Despite being Himalayan, many of my classmates were not raised speaking or reading Tibetan. Rather they were educated in Bhutanese, Nepali, Hindi, English, and in one case, Urdu. Tibetan was not the language spoken in their homes, although some of their ancestors may have been of Tibetan origin. So we all had to struggle to figure out what was going on in class. I had an advantage actually, in that I could read the English translations of the texts we studied.
The quality of my studying hasn’t been great these last few months. I’ve been worrying about my Indian visa. I can’t go into details here, since this is a public blog, but what it comes down to is: I may have trouble attending enough classes to be able to write final exams. In order to write the exams for a given year of shedra we have to have attended at least eighty percent of the classes. I still have some things to try, I want to be able to write the exams… But if I can’t, well, I will still study all the same texts. I just won’t be able to graduate with my class. It is hard to accept this potentiality– graduating from shedra is my dream. But really, it is just a piece of paper and a title. This situation forces me to focus on studying the Dharma for its own sake, which is how it should be.
School has been in session for just more than a week now. My first subject this year is Luminous Presence (spyi don ‘od gsal snyingpo) – Mipham’s overview of the Guhyagarbha Tantra based on Longchenpa’s Dispelling Darkness in the Ten Directions (phyogs bcu mun sel).
Before I started shedra – I looked at the curriculum and wished that I didn’t have to wait six years to study tantra. Many people I’ve met have expressed similar views. I think this sort of view reflects how very little we know about the causal vehicle of the sutras. Now that I’ve spent the last six years with the Mahayana commentaries I feel like they are dear friends and when it comes to practice – indispensable. Of course I don’t have to stop studying them, ever, but now I’ve been thrust into a new community – the three inner tantras. I’ve only been studying inner tantra for a short time and I cannot imagine trying to study it without a background in Madhyamaka and Uttaratantra (which in fact we see as belonging to the sutra side of things despite having tantra in the name).
This year marks a new phase in my schooling degree wise – the graduate degree. You see, the first four years of study are towards an Associates Degree, the next two towards a Bachelors, and the last three towards a Masters. The graduate of all nine years receives the title of “Lopon”.
What about the title “Khenpo” you ask? Often compared to a Ph.D (perhaps erroneously) Khenpos are selected from within the ranks of Lopons. To become a Khenpo one must fulfill certain criteria: 1. have scored in the first divison on the final exams for fourth, sixth, and ninth years 2. have taught as a kyorpon 3. have taught for at least three years after graduating 4. be a fully ordained monk in good standing.
So there you have it. If anyone is wondering why Namdroling doesn’t have any Khenmos or Ani Khenpos – see point number four. So thus, the reinstatement of the full ordination lineage for nuns in the Tibetan tradition impacts us. In the meantime, we have Ani Lopons, and that is just fine.
Personally, I’m totally satisfied just to receive the teachings, write the exams, and (in just three short years) graduate. Titles are… well… problematic. I am far more concerned with learning the Dharma and practicing it.
This year I have some fun new resources for studying Guhyagarbha. A few bold individuals have written their PhD theses on the Tibetan commentaries to this tantra. These are great to read as they have wonderful back ground information and include full or partial translations of the commentaries. I also have searchable Tibetan versions of both Mipham and Longchenpa’s commentaries which are proving to be useful indeed. I wish I had searchable versions of gsang bdag zhal lung and gsang snying mdzod lde, two other key commentaries to the tantra. So if you have such things, and are reading this- please get in touch. Not that anyone actually reads my blog… but hey, it is worth a try right?
